We are all responsible for our own growth in life, yet I repeatedly see people who feel their partner or their parent or even their child is the one who is responsible for that role.  

Their biggest complaint is that they can’t grow because this other person won’t let them.  They tell me this person doesn’t understand them or their needs and that this person won’t do what they feel is necessary to support them.  They look at me and lament that it’s not fair and they want me to confirm that what they are asking for is perfectly reasonable. They place all their resistance to growth on the shoulders of these loved ones.  

Now, we would usually call this emotional act ‘blame’, and to a large extent it is. When we examine it deeper, however, we find another layer of psycho-spiritual understanding.   

The person they are blaming as standing in the way of their perceived joy and progress, is also the person who holds the key to their difficulty.  Remember, what we resist, we become – willingly or unwillingly.  

If the person they blame is someone who actually holds an imbalanced or an immature, underdeveloped abundance of feminine energy (which could look like someone who is more scattered, unfocused, inconsistent, dramatic and/or changeable), then their frustration at them is really their frustration at the imbalanced feminine essence within themselves.  They are fighting and angry and wishing they had a bulldozer so they could simply flatten the source of resistance.  Notice that there is no feminine energy at all in their thoughts or feelings, or in their desired actions toward that person.

Yielding is a balanced and whole feminine action.  Softening, opening, allowing.  If they chose to melt their resistance, if only for a day, to draw on their balanced female energy rather than their imbalanced male energy, they would see and feel a new perspective.  They would become aware of a new path toward their desired growth – a path that wasn’t clear to them before because all they could see, all that seemingly blocked their view, was this bundle of frustrating feminine energy. 

Now if the person they are blaming is someone who holds more of the imbalanced or immature, underdeveloped abundance of masculine energy – stubborn, selfish, keeping to themselves, sneaky and often running away – then their frustration at them is really their frustration at the masculine energy within themselves that they are not accessing.  They may be frustrated, sobbing, feeling disconnected from their self-esteem and undecided as to what to do.

Taking direct and consistent action is a balanced male trait.  Focused, visionary, pragmatic.  If they chose to hold on to a plan of action and see it through to its conclusion, then they would be drawing on their balanced male energy.  Once in line with that perspective, they shift forward to a place of strength and conviction.  No longer would the ‘blamed offender’ thwart them.  Now their path of growth would be clear and workable.  

Becoming that which you struggle against may seem like the last thing you would ever choose, but that is only because the representative of that energy is reflecting it to you in an imbalanced, undesirable way.  

In their representation, they are unconsciously showing you your own imbalance of the opposite energy.  They are actually giving you a great gift of reflection.  You can see who you are when you look at them.  Rather than living in your frustrations, you have the power to see yourself in the mirror and make the alterations within yourself that you choose. 

If you scroll down few weeks ago I ended a blog with "I've got more to say, so I'll end now, and add more next week".  You didn't take me literally, did you? A week? A few week's? Same thing.

Change is hard. And motivation is not enough. That's throwing more hard at hard. 

In these feminine awakening times, we need soft. We need inspiration first. Once we're inspired at our core, we change from the inside out. Naturally.

And that means changing both our operating system and our software.

Let's face it, your mindset is firm. So is mine. And in being firm, it's stubborn. It holds on to the way you do things, the way you think, the way you feel, long after it no longer serves you. You know your stories. And nothing changes if nothing changes.

The key is to work with someone who can help you to get through your stories, through your mindset, through to your core. And surprise, that person is you.

You have all the answers within you. You just need to access them. And that takes assistance.

I created my meditation programs to assist you in accessing beyond your stories. Because once you're beyond your stories, you're into pure inspiration! It's like holding up the clearest mirror with the brightest light, shining for reflection. You can't help but look. And see. And then the change starts to happen. Again, from the inside out.

I offer private sessions as assistance. My job is to give you the most accurate and objective feedback of your true limitations and your real strengths. Psychologically-sound and spiritually-aligned feedback. Not just opinions. When you see the range, we can start the path by meeting in the middle. I want you to have a deep belief in your ability to learn, to grow, to increase your capacity to be more than what you are currently experiencing.

Because change is hard if you think of it as an event. It's flowing, if you remember it's a process of inspiration.....

Whether we know it or not, we are all walking around with invisible signs on our backs that say ‘acknowledge me’.  It’s all we really want, although of course, we think we want other things…

When we think we want love, money, success, health, family, friends, etc., what we really want is to be acknowledged, and we believe those things will do just that.  Those things are our ego boosters, our simple human ways of attempting to feel good.  We hold a belief that if we just had one more thing, then we would finally and completely be happy. But really, all we want is to be acknowledged.

We are complete, just the way we are.  (I know you’ve heard this over and over, but bear with me.)  Our spirit knows this even if our human side is not yet willing to believe and embrace this.  It says: “If I am complete, then why don’t I feel complete?  Let me feel whole”.  It assumes that to feel complete, we have to have things, and want for nothing.  So it imagines that if it really had those things – the great partner, the new car, the like-minded friends, the discretionary income - then it would feel that way.  So it longs for them.  It wants something it believes it does not have yet.  It longs for some future time when it will have those things and then begin to finally feel content.

Okay, what happens when it gets some of those things on its list, or even when it gets all of those things?  Then it wants more.  It has new items to add to its list of ‘if only I had…’.  There’s never enough.

This is important.  The cycle will never end, because it’s looking for something through something else.  It believes those things will make it happy.  It does not yet understand what it is really looking for.  So let’s simplify it.

Back to the concept of acknowledgement. When we are acknowledged, we feel it.  Whether it’s by our first-grade teacher, our next-door neighbour, our mother, or the clerk at the grocery store – we feel it. 

How do we do that? 

The key is two-fold: first, acknowledge them.  That’s the most important part.  Let it begin with you.  Notice the invisible sign the grocery clerk is wearing.  Look them in the eye.  Hold that moment.  Let them know you really see them, not just part of them, not just their role as clerk, as woman, as brunette, or some other part of them.  Let them know you really honour their soul, their entire self, their softest, strongest, most vulnerable whole.  No matter what their exterior, their manner, their personality, acknowledge the sweet, loving energy within them, because it’s exactly the same energy that’s within you.

Once you have done that, you have done everything.  You have connected something up within you that had just been left dangling, longing for something to make it feel okay.  Like an electrical outlet – you have plugged a cord into the socket and allowed the energy to surge.  That’s the high, that’s the love, that’s the hit you get.  That’s what you and everyone else are looking for.  And you got it because you acknowledged someone – anyone – and the buzz feels so great you can’t wait to do it again.

The second part of the key is to stay open for it to happen.  Whether you are acknowledging them or they are acknowledging you, the benefits are the same – win/win – but you need to stay receptive to allow this connection.  

If someone is being still, if their energy is in a gentle place, it is much easier to make this connection.  Again, think of the electrical outlet.  If the socket is moving all over, there is difficulty in syncing up a connection.  But if the outlet is still, and the cord is still, they can find each other.


Most people are complaining that their partner doesn’t really acknowledge them. That their children take them for granted. That they’re lonely and needing something.  Is it retail therapy?  Is it a new relationship?  Is it a vacation? 

Start with acknowledging instead.  Start there and acknowledge the spirit in your partner, your children, your co-workers, your bank clerk.  It doesn’t even take words. It works just as well without them. It certainly doesn’t take money or gifts.  And it will give you and them, a true feeling of lasting, deep fulfillment.  Soul food.

Most therapies are verbal or experiential—geared toward expressing emotions—and they usually stay in the biographical realm. In other words, they don’t go deeper to what we call the transpersonal level.

These therapies are often limited to postnatal biography and to the Freudian individual unconscious. They rarely even include birth.

However, transpersonal psychology overlaps with the Freudian collective unconscious as well as the historical, the archetypal, and the mythological. Jung’s notion that the psyche was not limited inside the skull, but permeates all of existence, allows for our extension and connectivity to the universe.

Transpersonal psychology mobilizes the inner healing intelligence that is guiding the process. As your therapist, I become a kind of co-adventurer, intelligently supporting what is happening, but not the doer.  Very much like midwifery. (Something else I used to do, decades ago…)

In psychiatry, suppression of symptoms is often confused with therapy. But with uncovering therapies, you go beyond the symptoms, to the understanding of why the symptoms are there.  The goal is to change the underlying conditions so the symptoms don’t have to appear, rather than simply creating a situation where they cannot appear.

The choice of therapies is yours of course. I just wanted to point out a few things.

On a daily basis, clients ask me how to become more conscious. They want to know how to consistently be more awake, more aware, more connected, because they know they need to become more conscious if they want to expand, deepen and progress in their lives.

So I share with them one of the first stages of consciousness -  that you must be willing to take responsibility for your life and the choices you have made.

This stage can actually take years to really root, and you'll continue to operate from it throughout your life. There seems to be an endless list of things you can choose to accept responsibility for from your past and your present. Not take blame for; responsibility for. There's a difference.
Your list may include the things you deemed as failures, and moments you’re not proud of, and things you never finished.  Those are the easy ones, and yet there’s so much more. You must take responsibility for how you raised your children, how you took care of yourself, how kind you were to others, how you judged your parent, and so forth. The more conscious you become, the more caring and consistent you become with everything and everyone in your circle of responsibility.

And then somewhere in this stage, after you have gone through a lot of responsibility-taking, you begin to realize that not only can you accept responsibility for what’s going on in your life, you can actually take charge of creating it!  That’s an amazing realization! It’s one that holds truth and power.

Soo you try it and….. it feels like it doesn’t work.  Hmmm… Do you think it didn’t work because you weren’t met with instant gratification? Or gratification on your timeline? Is there something you’re doing ‘wrong’? 

If you’re having difficulty creating or manifesting the life you want, then you’ll need to accept more responsibility before you can create something new.  If you haven’t owned something in your life –  a pattern, behaviour, action, thought - you can’t move along a new path until you do.  You’ll just repeat yourself again and again and that’s not progress. In simple terms, it means you’re stuck. 

That’s when I might typically meet you on your path.  

“I’m stuck”, you might tell me. And I would ask you where you are in accepting responsibility for the choices and thoughts and actions in your life.  

I would tell you that somewhere in those acts of taking responsibility for the life you have, you missed a few bits. Perhaps they’re in your subconscious mind, and you didn’t realize it. And if so, we can bring them out in conscious conversations. Or in modern meditations. Or in powerful past-lives. 

We have all the tools we need to find out what’s preventing you from creating the life you want and deserve. It’s not difficult to find out. And it adds immensely to your consciousness - to your feeling empowered by the choices you create and the actions you take, on a daily basis.

Christmas is going to be the good memories and the bad memories. But staying in the present moment is going to be your very best coping strategy.

You've got to get clear on what your heart tells you are your priorities during this time -not anybody else's expectations. Stay true to yourself. Before you make a shopping list, make a list of your own values over the holidays.

Your routines are turned on their heads for over a month, for goodness sake? Your poor body doesn't know what's going on. It knows 'sun up, sun down, sleep'. Your body doesn't care about the calendar, doesn't know a Tuesday from a Saturday. And in December the days are shorter, and here you are cramming in visitors, parties, shopping, decorating, and a host of family issues.

It's not surprising that the first thing that often goes is your own daily commitment to yourself. Maybe it's going to the gym or yoga class; maybe it's your 10 minutes of meditation or just enough sleep. When that goes, you're giving the message that your deepest, highest self doesn't matter. And it can all unravel from there.

So start by making a heart list: daily body movement and meditation. And instead of just sugar, tinsel and toys - consider adding sleep, stillness, and simplicity. 

Okay, you're really into December now. You can't deny it. And it's a month that brings out a lot of emotion. I hear about the emotion with every phone call session I have. Hour after hour, the range of emotion is huge!

December elicits massive expectations and assumptions, socially, personally, and financially. Add to that mercury's continued retrograde, and the full moon on Friday, and the potent solar eclipse. WOW. It's no wonder your emotions might be heightened right now.

So here's what I'd love you to do this month.....(and I guarantee you'll be so glad you did.)

Take a bit of much needed solo time - sooner, rather than later. Focus on 2011. That's right. Not 2012. 2011.

Play 2011 in your head with paper and pen beside you. Jot down some notes. What were the broad-brush strokes of the year for you? What changed? What did you want to change but didn't - yet? What experiences did you have that still stands out as significant, or intimate, or peaceful, or playful or.....?

Write, as you feel inspired to. You're compiling an inventory of your 2011. It's not for anyone else's eyes but yours, so make it personal.

I've done this inventory exercise year after year, and it's SO MUCH FUN to read over previous years - many years later. It's liberating. Freeing. Empowering. These inventories are like nostalgic snapshots. They will feed your emotions the very best nourishment. And you need that now, more than ever.

I was explaining the stages of living to a client the other day. I told her we typically live in one of three stages, although of course we bounce around a bit here and there. But for the most part, we live in one of the three stages: depression, complacency, or happiness. How can you tell where you live?

If you live in depression, you don't ask 'why' questions in your life. You may have stopped asking. You keep your process to yourself, either not admitting or owning the fact that you really do have choice in your life. You have either forgotten choice or you don't believe you have any. If you have to ask if you are depressed, the answer is - you're not. You asked; therefore you're not. 

Now, complacency is where most people live. And it's all about asking. If you live in complacency, you are either always asking why, or nagging those around you, or both. You have opinions, judgments (as opposed to simply observations), expectations and assumptions, and let it be known - even if it's just to your best friend or hairdresser. You may conduct yourself passively, but really, you are highly critical (especially of yourself) and you want change with everyone (and especially for yourself). You ask 'why' as often as a 2-year old. And your limited whys are not helping.

So who lives in happiness? Those who lived in complacency and finally stopped asking limited whys.  They realized (awakening at its finest) that their whys were not leading them to happiness. Their whys were actually frustrating them even more. So they took a higher approach.

A higher approach - through higher experiences, visions, and understandings, takes you above your critical over-analyzing mind. Through methods such as meditation therapy, and regression & progression therapy, you attain the inner wisdom that can truly address your needs to know why.

Asking 'why' to your thinking mind gives you limited answers, because your thinking mind has limited resources. Asking 'why' to your higher mind, with its boundless resources, satisfies, soothes and allows you to be, well, happy.